Okay, so I am this awkward little ball of embarrassment all the time. I’m not sure how I can still walk around without hiding my face. I do things intentionally and unintentionally that leads to me making a fool out of myself. Sometimes I don’t care as much if I’m around people I am comfortable around, but if I don’t know and I embarrass myself trust me I hate me for doing and hate you for watching me. Why do I do the things I do? I guess I think it will help me get out of my comfort zone, but I think I put myself deeper into my box, shut the lid, and seal it with glue. I try so hard to venture out only to feel as though I made a complete fool of myself. I have to slowly make friends, so I don’t weird them out. I tend to have a certain type of humor that some don’t like, and that’s completely fine. Just let me know so I can stop putting effort into befriending you. I understand I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but a little heads up would be nice.
So I got off track, but that does go into my embarrassment. I mean if you think for a minute I would try and make embarrassing myself harder to do, you’re so wrong. I tend to make it pretty easy and I’m not sure how to fix it. I guess making fun of myself takes off some heat, but at the same time, it can make it worst. I never truly feel the heat of my embarrassment until later when I’m overthinking everything. Sometimes, I have to randomly text people that I’m sorry for my weird behavior and bury myself deeper into the pit of embarrassment.
I wonder how many times I used the word embarrassment in this little rant… seven it was seven times. Embarrassment.. make that eight.