Okay, so I am this awkward little ball of embarrassment all the time. I’m not sure how I can still walk around without hiding my face. I do things intentionally and unintentionally that leads to me making a fool out of myself. Sometimes I don’t care as much if I’m around people I am comfortable around, but if I don’t know and I embarrass myself trust me I hate me for doing and hate you for watching me. Why do I do the things I do? I guess I think it will help me get out of my comfort zone, but I think I put myself deeper into my box, shut the lid, and seal it with glue. I try so hard to venture out only to feel as though I made a complete fool of myself. I have to slowly make friends, so I don’t weird them out. I tend to have a certain type of humor that some don’t like, and that’s completely fine. Just let me know so I can stop putting effort into befriending you. I understand I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but a little heads up would be nice.
So I got off track, but that does go into my embarrassment. I mean if you think for a minute I would try and make embarrassing myself harder to do, you’re so wrong. I tend to make it pretty easy and I’m not sure how to fix it. I guess making fun of myself takes off some heat, but at the same time, it can make it worst. I never truly feel the heat of my embarrassment until later when I’m overthinking everything. Sometimes, I have to randomly text people that I’m sorry for my weird behavior and bury myself deeper into the pit of embarrassment.
I wonder how many times I used the word embarrassment in this little rant… seven it was seven times. Embarrassment.. make that eight.
As you can tell, I am just getting over a cold. I know colds are trivial, but this cold set me back a lot in my plans. I had a sore throat, a horrible cough, and a headache for three days. I still have a cough, but luckily I am getting over this. The thing about getting sick is it takes a lot out of you while you’re trying to be productive and attend all your classes. I had to skip two classes and didn’t get a doctor’s note. Why pay more money and waste time for being sick if you know it will be over soon? I guess that just how things work, something happens and you pay money for an excuse to cover up the fact that something is wrong. I mean getting sick isn’t that big of a deal until you start stressing out about everything you need to do, but your body doesn’t have the same plan. I had too much to do to lay in bed and cough, but at the same time, I think my body was trying to tell me I needed to catch up on sleep so that is what I did. I went to my morning classes until I couldn’t make it through the day, took medicine, napped, took more medicine, and slept the night away. I wished I didn’t have so much to do this week that I needed to prepare for last week. Two test and an art project were due, so I traded sleep for studying and I didn’t do as bad as I thought I did, but at the same time, I need more time to study. I guess what I’m trying to say is getting sick is not fun. Being a college student is stressful, and being a sick college student is just added stress. But I’m back and ready to rant about trivial things.
Why is sleep needed to function? Seriously, I barely get a good five hours, but even then my mind never completely shuts down. It’s like the more I want to sleep the harder it is to actually get it. It’s not like I don’t try to sleep. Trust me, I do. Sleep just decided that we weren’t great friends like we were back in elementary school. I mean I can take a nap no problem, but trying to sleep for 8 hours? You can forget that goal in life, I’ll never achieve that. At least not eight straight hours. I feel as though college plays a big role in not getting sleep until I noticed I still don’t sleep during breaks. True enough I sleep until 12, but I don’t fall asleep until 2 or 3 and then I wake up like ten times during that 10 hours.
So as I run off of a good 2 hours of sleep, I thought why not post about it. I’m not the only one that has trouble sleeping. I have more trouble than most, but I feel as though this topic is a big one when it comes to school life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stayed up until 4 am doing homework. I admit I procrastinate most of the time, but lately I’ve kept up my studying and readings. Even being on top of my homework, I tend to fall behind in both school and sleep. I’m not sure what this happens, but I can’t help it. I’m best friends with my bed but enemies with sleep.
But I can’t help but to love sleep.
So this is my first rant. I don’t expect them to me perfect in grammar or anything, but it’s just a thought I have at that moment. If you like this idea and want to see more let me know!
Okay guys, I’ve finally decided on a way to post more and keep great content. I will still being my other post when I have time, but with my work load being more than I can handle right now, I’ve decided to post a rant every week. I think this will give y’all a chance to keep up with me and gives me a chance to post. I hope this works out. I’ve been trying to think of ways to past more than once a month. I think this would be a great way to do that. Also, this will give y’all insight of what goes on in mind. So next week expect a random rant at some point!
Also don’t be scared to comment and like. I love talking to y’all!