My Poetry!

Restlessness

Laying and waiting impatiently

for something to pull you under, for the darkness.

In order to get through the day full of restlessness,

You have to accept peace of mind and let sleep over shadow

Your worries and become your area of comfort.

 

But the contentment of being wrapped up in your blankets

Isn’t enough when the clock strikes one

and the restlessness comes back.

You add another blanket as a wave of chills wash over

Only to realize it’s too hot for an extra blanket.

Tossing the blanket off and turning to the side.

Everything from the day replays,

That awkward moment you said thank you instead of you’re welcome,

When you open a door and someone is already standing in the way,

And the struggle to pay attention in class as your mind wonders.

The thought of the homework you could be catching up on instead

of laying here doing nothing makes you feel like you’ve accomplished nothing.

Dreams you wish for fill you head and random thoughts

of the potential future float around aimlessly.

Everything that shouldn’t be running through your head

haunts you as you try to squeeze your eyes close.

What else does one think of beside homework,

plans for tomorrow, and the that one test that still hasn’t been graded?

What about the lunch plans for tomorrow

or are they going to be cancel at the last minute again?

These forces keep you awake.

until finally you find peace in the darkness,

Only to hear –beep beep- the alarm clock

Bringing you out of the darkness and into a new day.

A new day that will bring the same sleepless night.

 

Sketchbook

White crisp pages, no wrinkles or tears

At least not yet anyways.

Your touch can be firm and murderous

Yet genital as if I was a baby not yet aware of the world

Soon I am overwhelmed,

Color and leftover shreds of new beginnings

fill up every crevice,

But what really gets me is the way I transform.

Your hand glides across my surface making the connection between us never-ending.

After shapes form and come together I understand that I now possess an eye

But the eye holds more within the blank stare and you’re not satisfied. I’m torn.

I feel as though I am broken­­—

Shattered as if I was a bottle made of glass,

So fragile nothing can touch me without me falling apart.

But I pull it together, I start over,

erased are old broken lines that seem too abstract to be a building or a tree.

That one movie scene from that cartoon you love is slowing being pieced together.

Instead of turning me over, a piece of me is place inside a folder.

Times such as this, makes it feel as though a piece of my body

and soul is ripped apart and tossed to the side,

But I begin to realize—

Realize that even though I’m ripped and broken,

A new page appears ready to uphold a version of you,

the version only I can see.

To the world you’re just an empty soul with a heart that’s so dark,

that it’s almost too cold and hard as stone.

But I know.

I know that deep down

is a heart too fragile and scared to open up and I’m the only one who can understand.

I just want to understand what you see,

What you feel,

What you think,

And create a world with only us in it.

 

Life

Like a leaf

We start off green, vibrant, and hopeful.

The veins running through represent

a memory, branching out and creeping toward the top,

coming together to help keep us alive.

Surrounding ourselves with family and friends,

only to drift apart from them

to become the person, we were meant to be.

With the seasons passing, our time slowly decreases.

 

Changing color from a vibrant green,

it becomes orange so deep it drags you into an abyss

or a red so dark it looks as if its bleeding and calling for help.

Holding on to everything and trying to make it last.

Descending into a depressed state it slowly releases its hold—

falling to the ground with little life left.

 

The leaf goes and decays

with the life pulled out of every crevice

it sinks deeper into the ground to help the surrounding plants grow.

We grow and slowly become old and wise

sinking deeper into the person we want or need,

Yet we pull it together in the end to be someone they may need.

 

Avoiding Homework.

The calendar says it’s November, yet I can’t grasp

the feeling that this year was supposed to be more exciting.

I’m not sure if I’m willing to do something as extreme as a random road trip.

My fear of the unknown keeps me from driving,

let alone going somewhere I’ve never been.

That doesn’t I don’t want to travel.

I want to go and try food from different places.

I wonder if those brownies are still in the kitchen.

Maybe I was meant to learn something new.

I always wanted to learn how to be more social,

but that’s scary considering my shy and quiet personality.

Talking in class gives me an anxiety attack.

What if people notice when I mispronounce simple words,

because my accent. I never noticed until my friends pointed it out.

I turn twenty-one this year, and I still don’t understand

how I made it this far in life. Why can’t I remember more

of my childhood? Where did it all go?

Now, I’m in college. I guess mom was right about holding

on to the memories we make in high school.

But all I remember is getting chased by the cops,

Because my friend talked me into throwing toilet paper on our teacher’s house.

We drove into the woods, but the cop saw us and let us off with a warning.

Some friends they were, I freaked out and they laughed at me.

I only talk to one person from high school, maybe I should message her.

She might be asleep or working late.

I need a job. I’ll look for job openings later.

I think I’ll go see if those brownies are still in the kitchen.

 

Isolated

It seems like I’m always showing little emotion

If I was to change, I don’t think it would be a match.

As I sit here I realized I remain broken.

 

I wished I wasn’t drowning in this ocean.

My anxiety is so strong it will only attach

to small range of emotion.

 

One day every feeling will come out in an explosion

The hole would be too big to be mended by a patch.

I’m just too broken,

 

nothing can pierce through my heart frozen,

yet the smallest scratch

makes me realize I can feel a little emotion.

 

Although there are days I have a notion,

and I suddenly I latch

onto this feeling of being broken.

 

I can’t help but feel as though I was chosen,

to make feel a little detach

from understanding why they show little emotion.

And I realize that maybe I am not broken.

 

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Rant Series 3: Embarrassing Myself

Rant Series 3: Embarrassing Myself

Okay, so I am this awkward little ball of embarrassment all the time. I’m not sure how I can still walk around without hiding my face. I do things intentionally and unintentionally that leads to me making a fool out of myself. Sometimes I don’t care as much if I’m around people I am comfortable around, but if I don’t know and I embarrass myself trust me I hate me for doing and hate you for watching me. Why do I do the things I do? I guess I think it will help me get out of my comfort zone, but I think I put myself deeper into my box, shut the lid,  and seal it with glue. I try so hard to venture out only to feel as though I made a complete fool of myself. I have to slowly make friends, so I don’t weird them out. I tend to have a certain type of humor that some don’t like, and that’s completely fine. Just let me know so I can stop putting effort into befriending you. I understand I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but a little heads up would be nice.

So I got off track, but that does go into my embarrassment. I mean if you think for a minute I would try and make embarrassing myself harder to do, you’re so wrong. I tend to make it pretty easy and I’m not sure how to fix it. I guess making fun of myself takes off some heat, but at the same time, it can make it worst. I never truly feel the heat of my embarrassment until later when I’m overthinking everything. Sometimes, I have to randomly text people that I’m sorry for my weird behavior and bury myself deeper into the pit of embarrassment.

 

I wonder how many times I used the word embarrassment in this little rant… seven it was seven times. Embarrassment.. make that eight.

Rant Series 2: Getting Sick

Rant Series 2: Getting Sick

As you can tell, I am just getting over a cold. I know colds are trivial, but this cold set me back a lot in my plans. I had a sore throat, a horrible cough, and a headache for three days. I still have a cough, but luckily I am getting over this. The thing about getting sick is it takes a lot out of you while you’re trying to be productive and attend all your classes. I had to skip two classes and didn’t get a doctor’s note. Why pay more money and waste time for being sick if you know it will be over soon? I guess that just how things work, something happens and you pay money for an excuse to cover up the fact that something is wrong. I mean getting sick isn’t that big of a deal until you start stressing out about everything you need to do, but your body doesn’t have the same plan. I had too much to do to lay in bed and cough, but at the same time, I think my body was trying to tell me I needed to catch up on sleep so that is what I did. I went to my morning classes until I couldn’t make it through the day, took medicine, napped, took more medicine, and slept the night away. I wished I didn’t have so much to do this week that I needed to prepare for last week. Two test and an art project were due, so I traded sleep for studying and I didn’t do as bad as I thought I did, but at the same time, I need more time to study. I guess what I’m trying to say is getting sick is not fun. Being a college student is stressful, and being a sick college student is just added stress. But I’m back and ready to rant about trivial things.

Rant Series: 1: Sleep

Rant Series: 1: Sleep

Why is sleep needed to function? Seriously, I barely get a good five hours, but even then my mind never completely shuts down. It’s like the more I want to sleep the harder it is to actually get it. It’s not like I don’t try to sleep. Trust me, I do. Sleep just decided that we weren’t great friends like we were back in elementary school. I mean I can take a nap no problem, but trying to sleep for 8 hours? You can forget that goal in life, I’ll never achieve that. At least not eight straight hours. I feel as though college plays a big role in not getting sleep until I noticed I still don’t sleep during breaks. True enough I sleep until 12, but I don’t fall asleep until 2 or 3 and then I wake up like ten times during that 10 hours. 

So as I run off of a good 2 hours of sleep, I thought why not post about it. I’m not the only one that has trouble sleeping. I have more trouble than most, but I feel as though this topic is a big one when it comes to school life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stayed up until 4 am doing homework. I admit I procrastinate most of the time, but lately I’ve kept up my studying and readings. Even being on top of my homework, I tend to fall behind in both school and sleep. I’m not sure what this happens, but I can’t help it. I’m best friends with my bed but enemies with sleep. 

But I can’t help but to love sleep.
So this is my first rant. I don’t expect them to me perfect in grammar or anything, but it’s just a thought I have at that moment. If you like this idea and want to see more let me know! 

Rant series: The Beginning  

Okay guys, I’ve finally decided on a way to post more and keep great content. I will still being my other post when I have time, but with my work load being more than I can handle right now, I’ve decided to post a rant every week. I think this will give y’all a chance to keep up with me and gives me a chance to post. I hope this works out. I’ve been trying to think of ways to past more than once a month. I think this would be a great way to do that. Also, this will give y’all insight of what goes on in mind. So next week expect a random rant at some point!

Also don’t be scared to comment and like. I love talking to y’all!

 

College Life: My Upcoming Year

College Life: My Upcoming Year

As most of you know, I am now a junior at Auburn University. I major in English- Creative Writing and minor in art. (For more on my major and minor click  here.) This year is going to be a whole different experience. I am finally going to adult, and by adult I mean I will be living in an apartment. I am not happy to be paying bills, but I’m excited to be in an apartment with friends. I see this going well so far. Nothing can truly prepare you for what’s to come, but I think this year will be one to remember.

Academics:

I am taking a ton of core classes this upcoming fall semester.I am finally past math, science, and history and I finish up my last required Liberal Arts classes this fall. This is exciting because it means I am almost done with my degree. I hope to graduate next year, but I am not sure exactly what year I will graduate. I am taking six classes which will give me the full 18 hours allowed at Auburn. I will be stressed considering I expect to write an essay in every class except for my advanced drawing class. Other than the mindless essays, I’m excited about all my classes. The two classes I expect to stress out in the most is my art and mythology course. I’m way better at sketching than painting, so I’m excited to take a step back from the paints for a while and do something I love. My core creative class this semester is Poetry 1. Poetry is not my strongest form of writing, but I have a few poems I enjoyed from Intro to Creative Writing. (I might upload some later along with some of my new works.) All my other classes are basics that are needed or electives.  I am wanting to join a few clubs to not only build my resume but to help me on my career path. I have a few clubs picked out that I want to go check out. I can only hope for the best.

Apartment:

As I mentioned in the intro, I am happy to have an apartment with my friends. I’m not sure what I would’ve done in the dorms for another year. It’s not that I don’t love the people in the dorms, but I’m so glad to have my own room. (A luxury I’ve missed for years now.) Through my dorm experience last year, I met my roommates for this year. I’m glad I met such great people to live with. I see many adventures and late nights in our future. The thing I’m most excited about is getting a book case, painting it, and filling it with all my books. We have a kitchen rather than just a microwave and I am too happy about it. We  even live within a mile of campus and have a tennis court in the complex. I know I’m amazed over the simple things, but I’m happy about this. It’s safe to say that the apartment will be a new experience for all of us.

Jobs:

I do have a little side job working with the school. It’s around my schedule and isn’t stressful. I am happy to be able to continue with it. I want to look for a part-time job, but I’m scared I won’t have time to fully focus on my academics. I know my class load is a lot and I truly hope everything will work out for the best. Only time will tell.

 

It’s safe to say, I’m ready and excited for this upcoming school year. I am hoping for a great football season (War Eagle!) I know these past few years have been rough, but I have faith that we will surprise everyone this year. Everything should go as planned this year, and trust me I have planned it. I can only wish everyone good luck with the upcoming school year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Music: Top 5 Favorite Bands

Music: Top 5 Favorite Bands

I’m not a music expert, but I do know there are a lot of bands out there that don’t get the proper recognition they need. I listen to just about anything that I think sounds good. This does lead to some questionable songs added to my playlist and at times I have to rethink my choice. Nevertheless, I believe these bands could use a few more listeners.

1.One Direction:

Yes, One Direction is a great band. Yes, they are considered a boy band. No, I don’t listen to them because they’re cute (although Niall will always be my fav.) Let’s face it in 2010 these boys looked nothing like they do now (just google pictures and you’ll understand.) Everyone knows that Zayn Malik left the band in 2015, so now the band consists of Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, and Harry Styles. Each one of these boys is great and have fantastic vocals. I personally love the first album Up All Night, but if you want to hear the boys sing equally listen to Four. I suggest listening to all the albums to not only see how each boy has grown vocally, but also to pick and choose your favorites. We all know One Direction got popular in the U.S because of the song “What Makes You Beautiful” which turned a lot of people against them, and that is a shame because the boys sing such great songs that don’t get recognized. Here are a few of my favorite songs: Change Your TicketLast First Kiss, and Tell Me A Lie. Warning: Beware of Directioners!

2. Marianas Trench:

Marainas Trench is a Canadian band that is amazing. I say this because Josh Ramsay is a great singer and songwriter. Mike Ayley, Matt Webb, and Ian Casselman make up the rest of this band, but don’t dismiss these talented guys. They all are really great and nice. This band truly cares about their fans and if you get the chance to meet them please do. He truly has an amazing voice, but on to the music. Personally, I don’t like their first album as much as I do the rest, but I can’t say I dislike the whole album. ShakeTramp was my favorite of the first album. Off the album Masterpiece Theatre, Good to You is by far my favorite song off this album and honestly it’s my favorite song ever. I listen to it far more than I should. Ever After is a great album. It tells an amazing story and even the music videos go along with the story Josh Ramsay wanted to tell. I highly recommend this entire album as a great listen. Before their latest album, the band released two singles not included on their album. They are both full of satire and are funny if you get the references so check out Here’s to the Zeros and Pop 101. Their newest album is Astoria. I love all these songs, but One Love and Wildfire showcase everything the band has to offer. All members are crazy talented and amazing. I hope they get the recognition they deserve one day, but for now, I’m going to enjoy all they have to offer.

3.The Summer Set:

I have no words to describe how much I love The Summer Set. Their songs are amazing even from the first album. I listen to them as much as I listen to Marianas Trench. Each song is very pop punk and is extremely catchy. This band isn’t as big as most. They do appear on Vans Warped Tour and have their own tours. I hate that they aren’t on the radio. Actually, I hate that there isn’t a pop punk radio station. (I might look into making this happen.) The thing I love most about this band has to be the drummer, Jess Bowen. I wished I could have enough rhythm to dance much less keep a beat, and Jess rocks out on the drums here. She is amazing, and I suggest checking out her skills. A few of my favorite songs by them are Lightning in a Bottle, Missin’ You, and Figure Me Out.

4. Sleeping With Sirens:

Now this band has a few screamo parts, but don’t run away just yet. I highly suggest listening to different songs, because most songs only contain a small amount of screamo. Kellin Quinn is the lead singer in the band and his voice is so perfect. I do know this band is not everyone’s cup of tea, but honestly, they are worth the time to listen to. I suggest these songs for first-time listeners: If You Can’t Hang,  James Dean and Aubrey Hepburn, and Rodger Rabbit. Please give these songs a try.

5. The Cab:

The Cab is my go-to band for heartfelt love songs. I can’t describe how great their lyrics are. Okay, so this isn’t the only band on the list with great lyrics, but it is one of the only bands with songs I can listen on repeat all day every day. I know that’s obsessive, but trust me one listening to these songs and you’ll be hooked. Endlessly, Intoxicated, Bad, and These are the Lies are a few of my favorite.

Bonus:

6. Against the Current:

This would be the only band I love with a girl as a lead singer. Chrissy Costanza has an amazing punk/ rock voice. I honestly love every song she sings and can only wish I could sing as great as her. The band isn’t big. If anything they are just becoming a little bit bigger they were. I found this band on Youtube and loved everything they covered and produced their self. I love watching this band grow. Here are a few of their songs Closer, Faster; Gravity; Paralyzed, and Roses.

I know my knowledge of music isn’t the best, but I thought this would be a fun post. This is just a short list of the bands I listen to and know more than just their name and a few songs. I do love all these bands and listen to everyday. Now, whether these are boy bands or regular bands doesn’t really matter. They all deserve a little recognition for being great. If you have any suggestions of bands I should listen to I would love to.